Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
