Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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