Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
