I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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