He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
