she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
