two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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