If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
