Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
