I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
