Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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