There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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