$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
