I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
