Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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