morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
