Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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