dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
