I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
