Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
