I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
