I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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