I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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