my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
