i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
