Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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