I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
