I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
