Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
