my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
