I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
