I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
