You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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