insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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