I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
