Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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