i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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