My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
