She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
