I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
