Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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