I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Randomize
