I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
