guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
