Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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