She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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