Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
