I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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