Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
