She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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